BEST ALCOHOL AND GUNS!!!!!!
Big Bear is the best alcoholic beverage because it has a very angry bear on it, and it says it is, "Premium Malt Liquor"!!! Kel Tec makes the best guns because they look just like toys!! Kel Tec guns are part plastic and come in colors such as red and yellow. Now when kids point toy guns at cops they will be even more likely to get shot! Yeah!!
UNCLE JACK'S IMPORTANT ALCOHOLIC-ENERGY DRINK REVIEWS!!!
Sparks is the original alcoholic-energy beverage to come in a can!! Many people are familiar with Red Bull and Vodka at the bar, Sparks lets you take that goodness with you every where!!! First there was the orange Sparks with 6% alcohol content then they made Sparks Light for the ladies which also has 6% alcohol and last but not least Sparks Plus which features 7% alcohol and a better flavor! Sparks light and Sparks (original) both taste like Red Bull and Vodka, Sparks plus has a little more fruitiness!!!
Rize is a fairly new player in the alcoholic-energy drink market!! Rize is similar to Sparks Plus!! It has the same ingredients and the same alcohol content!! Rize tastes worse than Sparks Plus however, artificial strawberry flavoring that is not so wonderful!!!
Both types of Liquid Charge feature 6.9% alcohol content! Neither the original (some kind of berry flavor) or Orange Citrus Liquid Charge taste that great, you can do better! Tilt was one of the earlier contenders in the energy/alcohol game!! The orange can of Tilt has 6.6% alcohol and doesn't taste as good as its' brother the green can of Tilt which is 8% alcohol and tastes like grapefruit (has that dirty socks grapefruit smell too!) Bud Extra sucks! Also know as B (Budweiser) to the E (Extreme), it has a crappy strawberry taste and originally came in an 8 oz can like Red Bull until Budweiser realized no one was drinking it because they could get a 16 oz can of Sparks for less! Bud Extra is 6.? alcohol content.
Joose is the Lord God Lord of all alcoholic-energy drinks! Joose has three flavors and comes in 23.5 oz cans (strange size!?)!! The red can of Joose has the best flavor of any alcoholic-energy beverage, cranberry- and is 9% alcohol. Orange Joose doesn't taste bad either, sort of a grapefruit Sparks, it also boasts a whopping 9.9% alcohol!!! Blue Joose is not very great tasting- I think it is supposed to be blueberry or something and has 9% alcohol, drink red Joose!!! High Gravity Core and Four Maxed are very new to the alcoholic-energy drink scene and upped the stakes of the game!! Both beverages contain 10% alcohol!!! HG Core is a not so great orange flavor and Four Maxed is a not so great grape flavor!!! Not only does HG Core have more alcohol than Joose but it also boasts an extra .5 oz- making it a 24 oz can!!! So if you just want to get wasted and all messed up on caffeine, energetic herbs and puke, choose HG Core!!! An interesting note about Four Maxed is that it adds worm wood to the usual taurine, ginseng, and guarana combination!! Worm wood is the ingredient found in the hard alcohol beverage absinthe which tastes like licorice and was thought to be mildly hallucinogenic for years until that urban legend was recently disproved!!!
Moral of the story- Joose is the best, red Joose that is!!! PS if you haven't experienced it for yourself yet, drinking very much of this stuff at once will definitely get you righteously sick!!! Time tested and proven by Uncle Jack toilet visit after toilet visit (one time a bath tub too, they are more comfortable and sanitary to puke in- just no fun to clean up!!)
AHHHHH!!! UNCLE JACK JUST FOUND MORE ALCOHOLIC ENERGY BEVERAGES!!!
Uncle Jack just discovered new developments in the exciting world of alcoholic energy drinks this weekend (8/8/08)! First we have Magnum Tonic Wine! This didn't actually come from Uncle Jack's favorite mini-mart, 44th Market, it came from Jamaica and just happened to be given to him on the same day he made these other wonderful discoveries! Magnum Tonic Wine has iron and B vitamins and something it call Vigorton! Magnum Tonic Wine is 16.5% alcohol and tastes like ginseng cough syrup! No one wanted to drink this crap even though it has a picture of a gold colored chick getting it on with a blue guy! Apparently it is supposed to make whoever drinks it Vigorton in bed! Uncle Jack doesn't want Vigorton enough to drink this shit! Next we have citrus flavored Four Maxed with all the same ingredients and alcohol content as the original Four Maxed but a much improved flavor! Everyone at Uncle Jack's house agreed that citrus Four Maxed is actually the best tasting of all the alcoholic energy drinks they have ever consumed!!! Good job Four Maxed! Liquid Charge's new flavor, lemon lime has more alcohol than the other two flavors of Liquid Charge- 8.5% instead of 6.9%! Lemon lime Liquid Charge tastes kind of like a Sprite but sweeter and is now Uncle Jack and his pals second favorite tasting alcoholic energy beverage! The new Joose, "Dragon Joose," tastes like a melted grape Otter Pop but a little more syrupy, thus, not so great! Dragon Joose boasts 9.9% alcohol just like the orange can of Joose! And finally Sparks now has 24 ounce cans! Joose is still cheaper however, and still has more alcohol content! The owner of 44th Market told Uncle Jack that Joose is by far the best selling of all the alcoholic energy beverages with Sparks quickly falling down the ranks! Looks like Sparks will have to up the Alc/Vol, not just the can size- if they want to stay in the game!
THE SAGA CONTINUES!!!!!!
FOUR LOKO STORMS THE ALCOHOLIC ENERGY DRINK MARKET AND TAKES NO PRISONERS! 11% alcohol content! Like Joose, Four Loko weighs in at an amazing 23.5 ounces! Thus furthering Uncle Jack's theory that there are laws against such a potent malt liquor type product being sold in a 24 ounce can! Four Loko has a "Loko Fruit Punch Flavor," and has almost no taste of alcohol! Yes, another intoxicating beverage we can give to children so they can drink a lot, get drunk, puke, have hangovers, and don't even know why! This is Uncle Jack's new favorite alcohol/energy drink beverage! Uncle Jack hates Hawaiian Punch but likes the "Loko Fruit Punch Flavor" of Four Loko! Four Loko is as one may have guessed- created by the makers of Four Maxed (Drink Four Brewing Company)!!! No one needs to spike the punch! It is already spiked!
EVIL EYE aka OJO MALO is not an alcoholic energy drink, it does however look like one! Evil Eye aka Ojo Malo is a 16 ounce "High Gravity Lager," aka MALT LIQUOR!! Evil Eye aka Ojo Malo does not say how much alcohol is in it!? This is very strange, this is usually the main selling point for malt liquor, Uncle Jack can't recall seeing this phenomenon on any other malt liquor cans/bottles! Evil Eye aka Ojo Malo does have an awesome can, one of the coolest looking in the world of alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike! Evil Eye aka Ojo Malo does have one major problem however... it tastes like the smell of piss mixed with the delicious flavor of vomit!!! Worst tasting malt liquor ever- and that is saying a lot!!! Uncle Jack is in the "clean plate/booze container club" he did brake this rule after 2 sips of Evil Eye aka Ojo Malo however, hopefully the tree he dumped it on enjoyed it more than he did!!! Melanie Brewing Company your product packaging is a STAR!! Your product is a TOILET FLAVORED BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!
IS IT AN EPIC BATTLE??!! THE WAR CONTINUES!!!!
Uncle Jack Has Been Slacking Off On His Review Duties And Discovered The Following Beverages A Couple Months Ago, Here They Are Finally For Those Who Need To Know!!!!
Yes it is true! Liquid Charge has upped their game to try and hold on in the energy drink war! While the beverage names are unchanged the look is new and the alcohol content is up (from 6.9% to 8.5%)! Above on the left is Liquid Charge's old, Orange Citrus can and in the middle is the new one! Uncle Jack was lucky enough to find an old LC OC at his favorite mini mart, so he could compare the old to the new! All five people at DWI who tried the two beverages agreed the new one is better! Yes, that is right, Liquid Charge has a cooler can, more alcohol and tastes better than before! Liquid Charge Lemon Lime was the first LC to come out at 8.5% as mentioned earlier on this page but now it has a cooler can too! LC LL is still one of Uncle Jack's favorite alcoholic-energy beverages!
The Four beverage company has produced another energy drink with high alcohol content- Four Loko "Loko Uva" (uva means grape in Spanish)! While not one of Uncle Jack's favorite beverages (the first Four Loko is still his favorite), when Uncle Jack did a blind taste test between "Loko Uva" and Dragon Joose with some of his comrades- there was a unanimous vote that Uva was better! Most people describe "Loko Uva's" flavor as that of a melted, grape Otter Pop- a little thick and very sweet! Loko Uva should be tried because hey, it is 11% alcohol like the first Four Loko, but Loko Uva is a dumb name and there are better alcoholic energy drinks to be had (unless you really like melted Otter Pops!)
Hard Wired is a hard to find alcoholic energy drink from Uncle Jack's experience's, he has only come across it once and it isn't really worth looking for! Only 6.9% alcohol, we all know thanks to Four Loko that this is nowhere near enough anymore, and the taste is a lot like that of Red Bull or Sparks (RIP... victim of the alcoholic beverage war- should have upped your alc levels dudes!) Hard Wired- nothing new here!!!
LOKO VICTORIOUS AGAIN???!!!!
Ahhh... The Four Brewing Company has done it again! The new best alcohol-energy drink is Four Loko "Loko Orange Blend!" In the Loko tradition this beverage is 23.5 ounces and 11% alcohol! The flavor is like a mix of tropical fruits mango, peach, orange or something! Better than our previous 1st place holder "Loko Fruit Punch!" Sweet, but not too sweet! Try it fools!
THE RETURN OF JOOSE AND CORE!!! 03/09!!!
Well, Uncle Jack has begun and exciting new method of alcoholic-energy drink review!!! Now he will post the month on which he finds new beverages in his head lines because some of these reviews are getting pretty dated!!! It is a live fast and die young world in the buzz-booze industry!!! Any way, Core HG Green (10% Alc. 24oz.) is nasty shit!!! Imagine walking into a public restroom with lime scented urinal cakes and putting one in your mouth!!! I bet it would taste just like HG Green!!! Syrupy, sweet, green, and gross with a capital G!!! Zero out of five people who tried this drink with Uncle Jack liked it!! Jungle Joose (9.9% Alc. 23.5oz.)!!! Once again- as with Dragon Joose, Joose has shown that they understand cool cans help sell a product!!! Skulls and roses reminds Uncle Jack of Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle"!!!! The problem is however, Jungle Joose is... crappy!!! Strange flavor, sort of lemon-lime with a hint of something like chewable vitamins?!!! That would be ok if there were vitamins in it!!! Then drinking would be good for you!!! Awesome radioactive green color is the only thing Jungle Joose has going for it other than the can!!! Jungle Joose got thumbs down all around at the party which Uncle Jack brought it to!!!! Oh the agony of crappy drinks!!! But wait... New Loko products are on their way!!! Yes- life is good!!!!!
KING COBRA AND WEREWOLF 04/09!!!!
After much anticipation King Cobra finally arrived at Uncle Jack's favorite malt liquor pick-up location- 44th Market!!! The only problem is... King Cobra should really be called Crappy Cobra!!! Weighing in at a measly 6% alcohol content, King Cobra has no excuse for tasting no better than Steel Reserve!!! People who drink malt liquor do not want a 6% beverage especially if it doesn't taste better than one with 8-9% alcohol!!! Last but not least, Uncle Jack was hoping for a much cooler can with a name like King Cobra!!! That tiny stylized cobra on the top of the can is lame!!! With a name like King Cobra you need a big, mean looking cobra head staring you in the face saying, "can you handle this poison mofo?!" and you need at least 8% alc.!!! Budweiser you fail just as you did with Bud Extra!!!
Werewolf beer!!! Awesome label, awesome alcohol content- 8.2%, awful taste!!! Uncle Jack and Marf Century both dumped their Werewolf beers down the drain despite the fact that wasting a beer is a sin!!! Werewolf which hails from Lithuania declares on the label, "You must be sure you want to taste it," and it is true!!! The nasty, sweet alcohol flavor of this beverage will make you wish you were drinking anything else, even King Cobra!!! Two thumbs down!!!
HITE PITCHER WINS AWESOMEST BIG CONTAINER AWARD 06/09!!!
South Korea earns serious props for its production of the Hite Pitcher!!! From the Hite brewing company, this baby boasts an amazing 1600ml aka 54.1024 US ounces!!! The bottle is also plastic with a screw on top so go ahead and get drunk and drop it!!! It won't break!!! If you are feeling like a wimp you can always screw the cap back on and save whatever you can't drink for later! While the Hite Pitcher is only 4.5% alcohol anyone who drinks it looks really cool regardless- because it is huge! Uncle Jack took a picture of Hite Pitcher next to a 16 oz of delicious Keystone Light and a tasty 40 oz of Steel Reserve to demonstrate the radicalness of the beverage's size!!! Hite Pitcher is easy to drink and not all that different in flavor from cheap American beers such a Miller and Budweiser! Go to an Asian market today and get yourself a Hite Pitcher before it is too late! Seattle area residents can find this wonderful treat at Ranch Market 99 on Highway 99 as long as Uncle Jack hasn't just been there and purchased them all!!!!!
FOUR BREWING COMPANY TRIES TO DESTROY THE WORLD!!!
BEHOLD THE POWER OF FOUR LOKO WATERMELON
AND THE WRATH OF EARTHQUAKE HIGH GRAVITY LAGER 06/09!!!!
Just released at the end of April, the infamous Four Brewing company serves up yet more brain killing beverages! Four Loko Watermelon is 24 oz and contains the obligatory 11% alcohol that its other siblings in the Loko family do! The flavor as Uncle Jack suspected is very much like that of a watermelon Jolly Rancher, sweet and unnatural but a good thing if you like watermelon Jolly Ranchers! The alcohol in the drink is essentially unnoticeable as is par with the rest of the Loko refreshments! Not a lot of carbonation and a little syrupy but Uncle Jack definitely knows people who will enjoy Loko Watermelon none the less!!!
Earthquake High Gravity Lager is surely one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!!!! Undoubtedly to become the drink of choice for bums and young partiers who are low on cash, Earthquake features an astounding 24 oz, 12% alcohol and an inexpensive price tag of slightly more than 1$ (such as Hurricane, Steel Reserve, Etc.)! Knowing full well that all malt liquors which contain high amounts of alcohol taste more or less like barf (case in point- Camo malt liquor 9.1% alc. which is extremely nasty- sour/sweet and had the highest alcohol content before Earthquake shook up town!) Uncle Jack stepped up to Earthquake's plate expecting to experience a pretty damn crappy taste sensation! Uncle Jack was surprised however! While by no means good tasting- Earthquake is still better than Camo! Earthquake has the sweet bite of alcohol that many of its malt liquor friends share and does seem to get worse, not better as one drinks it (mostly due to warming I believe), but it most certainly gets the job done and gets it done fast! One Earthquake is equal to drinking two King Cobras and almost the same as drinking an entire bottle of wine (a bottle of wine is 25.360z)! Regardless of the not so wonderful taste, one must try Earthquake simply to know what drinking a 12% alc. malt liquor is like! Now go and feel the tremors!!!!
Uncle Jack's friend Mark Century created the masterpiece pictured below after a night of Loko Watermelon, Earthquake High Gravity Lager, and Miller High Life!!!!
"Earthquake- Loko Watermelon- Miller High Life- Chips and Salsa"
by Mark Century 06/06/09!!!!
JOOSE FAILS IN ATTEMPT TO TACKLE FOUR LOKO!!!
MAX- LIVE, VIBE, AND FURY SUCK SHITS 08/09!!!!!
This month Joose released Max, a failed assault on Four Brewing Company's Four Loko!!! Here is a list of all the ways you lose Max!!!!!-
1. Max was a terrible choice of name! Four Brewing Company began with Four Maxed quite some time ago! What are you trying to do Joose? Are you trying to make people think FBC made this product because the names are so similar? Have some originality you idiots!!!! The font used for the Max logo looks very much like the IMAX movies font, is this a drink or a movie!!! Stupids!!
2. The Joose logo is very hip and Jungle Joose is one of the coolest alcoholic energy drink containers around so why release this boring-ass looking can? Uncle Jack thought you guys understood better than anyone the importance of radical product packaging?! The Joose logo is one of Uncle Jack's favorite malt liquor logos for stenciling, this logo would make a lame stencil!!!!
3. Now for the taste- the real downfall of Max!!! Max Live is the worst of the 3 flavors! Live tastes like grape, alcohol, aspirin and a little?- gross for good measure!!! More watery than Loko Uva and much worse!! Of the 10 different people who tried this beverage all agreed Live was the worst Max and no one liked any of them!!! Max Vibe is fruit punch flavored with a hint of medicine and does a great job of making the stomach churn!! Max Fury will release the Fury in your guts if you drink it- its taste is orange with... you got it... medicine and a hint of disgusting!!! All 3 flavors are seemingly more watery than Loko, whether this is good or bad depends on what you like!!!!
4. What is good about these wonderful products? They are all 23.5 oz like Four Loko, an astounding 12% alcohol like Four Loko's Watermelon (see below), and they have all the caffeine and energy goodness one has come to expect from this genre of alcohol products!!!
So, if you just want to get nicely trashed and find these beverages in a ditch they will do the trick, but why be an idiot like Uncle Jack and buy them??!!!!!!!! Uncle Jack's theory on the reason why Joose failed so horribly with Max- they were in a rush to get a new product on the market to compete with Four Loko's 11-12% alcohol dominance! Hey lots of people just want to get really, really DRUNK and whacked out on energy at the same time- for cheap!!! Thus, in their rush to stay in the game Joose failed to do enough taste testing and packaging design work!!!!
FOUR LOKO WATERMELON GETS AN UPGRADE!!!!
SMIRNOFF RELEASES XBT!!!
Uncle Jack discovered the first in the series of Four Loko's alcohol upgrades at 44th Market earlier this month!!! Four Loko Watermelon is now 12% alcohol!!!!! (This picture sucks and does not show the alc. % which is the only way to tell the difference from the 11% watermelon can!! See below for a picture showing the 12%!!!) Loko Watermelon demonstrates an interesting revelation- more alcohol can make alcoholic energy drinks taste better as was the case with Liquid Charge!!! The increased alcohol cut back on the drink's sweetness making it more drinkable!!! Way to go Loko!!!
Smirnoff XBT is not an alcoholic energy drink but it is new on the market and contains 8% alcohol!! XBT is great for chicks who don't like beer and for little kids- they can get drunk and a sugar high at the same time!!! "Cut with citrus flavors," XBT is like a slightly crappier tasting than Sprite and the alcohol is a little difficult to detect in the taste! There are better things like XBT to drink but some people may like it!!!!
FOUR LOKO FRUIT PUNCH NOW 12% 10/12/09!!!
It has been about a month since Uncle Jack came across Four Loko's new 12% alcohol Fruit Punch upgrade (pictured on the left) and here the review finally is!!!! 11% tasted better!!!! Uncle Jack and his minions did a taste test between the 11% and 12% batch and all were in agreement that the original 11% recipe is more delicious!!! While the Watermelon Loko was a little too sweet and benefited from the alcohol boost, Loko Fruit Punch was Uncle Jack's favorite alcoholic energy drink, tasting just like fruit punch and very little like alcohol!! Now the alcohol flavor is more obvious!!!! But face the facts- for those who just want to get messed up, the 12% change is great!!! Four Loko Fruit Punch is still one of the best tasting alcoholic energy drinks in town!!!!
STACK HIGH GRAVITY MALT LIQUOR ATTACKS EARTHQUAKE!!!! 10/12/09!!!!
United Brands Company- creators of the wondrous "Joose" have released a new soldier in the malt liquor war, Stack- 24 ounces of 12% alcohol terror!!!! Uncle Jack came across this product just last week, having gotten word of its existence!! He had to travel to 3 mini marts before he could track Stack down!!!! Unfortunately the man working at the mini mart did not know the price of this wonderful new product and probably sold them to Uncle Jack for too mach at 2$ apiece!!! Uncle Jack guesses the real price to be a little over a buck in order to compete with Stack's obvious opponent, the lethal "Earthquake" from Four Brewing Company!!!!
In a battle of epic proportions Uncle Jack and his fellow hooligans pitted "the new kid on the block"- Stack, against the tried and true heavy-weight, Earthquake!!!! There were no survivors, aka, no one could agree which was worse!!! Stack has a hint of banana mixed with the sour taste of alcohol while Earthquake has more of just a the sour alcohol taste, less sweet!!! Stack certainly does not have a "smooth flavor" as the can says!!! Moral of the story- if you want to get messed up for cheap stick with Joose or Four Loko!!!! If you are nuts and think Camo, Colt 45 or other nasty malt liquors are good, give Stack a shot!!!! PS... Easy Way Self Spray Enamel probably tastes as good as Stack!!!!!
FOUR LOKO UVA 12% ALCOHOL VS. FLU 11% ALCOHOL!!!!!!! 10/31/09!!!
Uncle Jack recently taste tested the new 12% alcohol Four Loko Uva against the old 11% batch!!! Uncle Jack invited over his fellow malt liquor tasting brothers- Lance Benrikson and Marf Century for the occasion!!! There was a unanimous conclusion that the new 12% alcohol recipe is better than the old 11% recipe!!!! The new Uva tastes more like a grape soda and less like alcohol??? Go figure!!! Definitely one of the best alcoholic energy drinks one could pick to consume and one of most potent!!!! Now Four Brewing Company only has to give the drink a less stupid name and more.... alcohol!!!!!
A NEW CAN AND ADJUSTED FLAVOR FOR FOUR MAXED CITRUS!!!! 10/31/09!!
Four Maxed now comes in a cooler looking can!!!! The new Four Maxed Citrus (featured on the right) certainly says excitement and wild times more than the old can which is pictured on the left!!!!! Whether or not the new citrus flavor is better than the old is hard to tell, neither is very good!!!! Both the old and new Four Maxed Citrus taste a lot like Red Bull mixed with something that is not really that citrus like, it is more like an unknown and not very good tropical flavor!!! Stick with Loko it has 2% more alcohol, all the same great energy nutrients, caffeine and a better flavor!!!!!
ANHEUSER-BUSCH AND MILLERCOORS ARE WIMPS!!!
SPARKS AND TILT LOSE THEIR CAFFIENE!!!!!!
SPARKS RED FIZZLES!!!!! 11/16/09!!!!!
It did not come to Uncle Jack's attention until today that Sparks and Tilt no longer contain caffeine!!!! Sparks and Tilt also lost all their other energy ingredients, aka- guarana, ginseng, taurine!!!!! How did this happen????!!! Anheuser-Busch (the creator of Tilt) and MillerCoors (the creator of Sparks) caved into pressure being brought down on the alcoholic-energy drink industry by the FDA who says that the companies that make alcoholic-energy drinks have to prove that they are not bad for the consumer or stop making them!!!! CLICK HERE FOR A LINK TO AN ARTICLE ABOUT THIS ATTACK ON FREADOM TO DRINK STUPID SHIT!!!!!!!
So, now Sparks has no Spark and Tilt will no longer get you all tilted!!!!! This fact is illustrated above with a picture of the new "Sparks Red" can!!!!! Yes, the Sparks Red can does say that it has 8% alcohol making it the most potent Sparks to date, however, notice that all mention of caffeine etc. is gone!!!!!! One can compare the can to ones pictured earlier on this page and see the difference!!!!!! To make a long story short, now Sparks is dumb and MillerCoors is lame!!!! To top it all off, Sparks Red is the crappiest tasting Sparks yet??!!!! The absence of the caffeine and other energy ingredients would make it easier to make a better tasting product one would think... I guess not if you are Sparks and stupid!!!!! Sparks Red is a poopy, strawberry type flavor mixed with a cloud of grossness!!! No one at Uncle Jack's domain enjoyed the flavor!!!!!! Sparks..... RIP!!!! FDA- caffeine and alcohol go great together.... they have helped Uncle Jack barf on many an occasion and helped him enjoy pleasant sleepless nights!!!! Leave these well intentioned companies alone!!!!!!!
UNITED BRANDS COMPANY AKA JOOSE RELEASES
REFORMULATED MAX DRINK LINE!!!!!! 11/16/09!!!!!!
While Uncle Jack still has many issues with United Brewing Company's Max alcoholic-energy drink line (such as the dumb logo and unoriginal name) the flavor of the reformulated drinks is greatly improved!!!!! A new can would have been a good idea since the first batch tasted like shit!!!! A new can would have been a visual signal that their have been changes!!!! However, the cost of redesigning and manufacturing new cans was most likely considered too great!!! Long live alcoholic-energy drinks!!!!! Down with the FDA!!!!!!!
MAX VERSUS FOUR LOKO TASTE-OFF!!!!!! 11/23/09!!!!
At a recent party Uncle Jack and his friend "Action Man" compared the taste experience of the reformulated Max Fury against Four Loko Orange Blend and the reformulated Max Vibe against Four Loko Fruit Punch!!!! After a bloody battle, Uncle Jack and "Action Man" agreed to disagree!!! Uncle Jack considers both the Four Loko beverages to be far superior to their color counterparts from Max!!!! Loko is consistently sweeter and more like a soda than Max!!! Uncle Jack believes Max contains more flavor of alcohol and a hint of Red Bull gone bad!! Max Vibe is strawberry flavored so not exactly like Four Loko Fruit Punch (which is still perhaps the best alcoholic-energy drink according to Uncle Jack), regardless, Four Loko Fruit Punch is much better!!!!!! "Action Man" disagrees with all of this, not being a fan of sweet things he prefers the Fury and the Vibe! "Action Man" is dumb!!!!! Uncle Jack will compare the reformulated Max Live with Four Loko Uva (crappy name!) when he finds it!!!!!
FOUR LOKO BLUE RASPBERRY IN DA HOUSE!!!! 11/23/09!!!!!
Four Loko's latest beverage is "Blue Raspberry"!!!! The alcohol content is 12% as is the new norm for Four Loko and it features the essential caffeine, guarana and taurine!!!! The drink tastes like a blue raspberry candy that is a little old and funky, but it is one of the better alcoholic-energy drinks out there if one can stand drinking something which is blue raspberry flavored! The alcohol flavor is fairly well covered by the sugar and fruit flavoring!!!! Try it!!!!! It is good for you!!!!!!
FOUR MAXED GRAPE FLAVOR OLD VERSUS NEW!!!! 12/07/09!!!
Uncle Jack and Marf Century put the new Four Maxed Grape Flavor to the test against the old formula this weekend and discovered that the taste is indeed improved!!!! The new Four Maxed Grape Flavor has an improved can design (on left) which matches the new Four Maxed Citrus can in all but color!!! The new Four Maxed Grape Flavor is less sweet and slightly less syrupy than the old, neither is all that great tasting however (as noted previously on this page- the original flavor is pretty much gross)!!! Stick with Four Loko Uva, it tastes better and has 2% more alcohol!!! Interesting notes- they dropped the wormwood oil from the ingredients on both of the newly improved Four Maxed beverages? Was it a cost cutting measure, a supply problem, was it necessary to improve the taste, or were they forced to because of the old urban legend that wormwood oil is a type of hallucinagen (this was disproved recently in a study on absinthe)??!!! A mystery!!!! Also, the cans now say "contains alcohol" rather than "alcoholic beverage" on top?!! Were people too dumb to understand that alcoholic beverage means it contains alcohol?!!!! It also says "flavored malt liquor" above the bar code now!!!! So amazing!!!!!
UNLEASH YOUR INNER SERPENT!!!! MAMBA JOOSE UNLEASHED!!!! 12/7/09!!!
Joose puts out another cool looking beverage with Mamba Joose!!! almost on level with Jungle Joose for can design, Mamba Joose also contains all the same delicious ingredients- taurine, ginseng, caffeine and 9.9% alcohol!!!! As the colors suggest Mamba Joose is fruit punch flavored, the beverage is considerably flatter than Four Loko Fruit Punch however, and is not as flavorful!!! Mamba Joose smells a lot like Hawiian Punch but it doesn't taste as good as it smells!!! If you want alcohol and energy in a fruit punch package stick with Four Loko Fruit Punch (which also provides 2.1% more alcohol), if all you care about is getting wasted off a dope looking can... obviously you can't beat the Mamba Joose packaging- unless you are drinking Jungle Joose!!!!!!
MAX WATERMELON RELEASED!!!! IS IT BETTER THAN FOUR LOKO WATERMELON?!!!!! 1/18/10!!!!!
With the release of their watermelon flavor, Max also unveils their new can design!!!! Why can't the company do anything original? Perhaps we shall never know!!!!! The dot pattern in the background is an awful lot like that which appears in the background of Four Maxed cans which Max already essentially stole their name from!!!!!! The text which is used for watermelon is also reminiscent of that used for the word Loko on the Four Loko cans (who make Four Maxed)!!! Max Watermelon is 12% alcohol, 23.5 oz., and has ginseng, taurine, and caffeine like the other Max beverages!!!!! For the cherry on top of their mountain of fuck-ups, Max Watermelon failed the taste test against Four Loko Watermelon which has just as much alcohol and energy ingredients (guarana instead of ginseng)!!!! Max Watermelon tastes a little less like a watermelon Jolly Rancher than Four Loko Watermelon does and since it is so close it mays well have just gone all the way like Loko!!!!!!! No reason to drink Max Watermelon other than just to try it, even Action Man agreed this time!!!!! Certainly not a bad alcoholic-energy drink, Max is drinkable, but why release a beverage that is the same flavor as one which is already on the market, just not as good??!!!!!
FOUR LOKO UVA VERSUS MAX LIVE!!!!!! 1/18/10!!!!!
In a brutal contest of grape flavored alcoholic-energy drink madness, Action Man and Uncle Jack put an old can of 11% alcohol Four Loko Uva up against a possibly reformulated Max Live!!!!!!!!!!!! Despite the fact that the original 11% alcohol formula of Loko Uva is not as good as the new 12% alcohol formula, it still crushed its competition with no remorse!!!!! If this can of Max Live which Uncle Jack purchased just 2 days ago is the new formula, it is much shittier than he remembers it begining when he first tried the original product!!! Compared to Loko Uva which essentially tastes like grape soda, Max Live is almost flavorless, it is as if someone dumped out 3/4 a can of Loko Uva and filled it up the rest of the way with water??!!!!! I think they drank a bit too much Max Live when tasting their product and got so wasted that they decided it was good!! Max Live is certainly one of the worst tasting alcoholic-energy drinks on the market!!!!!
UNCLE JACK'S NEW WIFE!!!!! 1/18/10!!!!!
Uncle Jack tied the knot with Joose Chick this past Saturday and it was certainly the best day of his life, right below the day when he found 175 obscure horror and action movies for 1$ apiece!!!! To all the companies in the alcoholic-energy drink game- Uncle Jack says, "make hot chick cut-outs for your brand of beverage so I can rate who is the hottest!!!!" Mmmm... just imagine a can of Joose that big!!!!!!!!
MAX GREEN APPLE!!! GREEN APPLE IN YOUR MOUTH!! 2/1/10!!!!!
While Green Apple Max has the most boring looking can of all the Max flavors, it is actually the best tasting of their drinks!!! Of course, one has to keep in mind that their other beverages range from really bad to not so good in flavor!! That said, if you enjoy green apple flavored Jolly Ranchers and think they would make a delicious drink if melted down, well, that is almost what Green Apple Max tastes like! Green Apple Max tastes like green apple Jolly Ranchers mixed with a hint of the usual nasty flavor which is in all Max drinks to some extent!!! Uncle Jack and Action Man could not bring themselves to drink more than about 1/3 of a can apiece since they find it hard to consume more than that much liquid-green apple flavor!!!!! Green Apple Max is a product which everyone should try no matter what their feelings about green apple flavored things are because it is an interesting experience whether you decide it is delicious or not- and hey, with the standard Max formula of 23.5 ounces of 12% alcohol with ginseng, taurine and caffeine- you will get messed up!!!!!
32 OZ. HIGH GRAVITY CORE "EL JEFE"!!!!
A NEW LEVEL OF ENERGY-ALCOHOL APACOLYPSE!!!!!! 02/07/10!!
Uncle Jack thought there was some kind of law stopping alcoholic-energy drink companies from making their beverages any larger than 23.5 oz. since that is the size that Loko and Max top out at, but if that is so- Core doesn't give a shit!!!! Presenting El Jefe- 32oz, 11% alcohol and the highest quantity of energy ingredients with- taurine, guarana, ginseng and caffeine!!! While Loko and Max have a higher alcohol content at 12% alc. they still can't compare with a 32oz 11% alc. beverage! El Jefe is fairly syrupy and has a very sweet grape flavor and is not as good tasting as Loko Uva, but it is a million times better than Max Live!!! Uncle Jack could never drink an entire El Jefe because it is too thick and sweet but if you can you can be assured that you will be well on the road to totally trashed!!!!! How long until someone makes an alcoholic-energy drink at 40 oz?!!!!
OB!! ANOTHER KOREAN BEER THAT COMES IN A 1600ML
BOTTLE JUST LIKE HITE PITCHER!!! AND NOW... THE TASTE-OFF!!!!! 3/1/10!!!
Uncle Jack's excitement was truly great when he discovered that the Korean beer OB can be found in a 1600ml (54.1024oz) plastic bottle- just like Hite Pitcher!!! The Korean mini-mall "H Mart" in Lynnwood, Washington which is great- carries both giant beers!! Of course, upon discovery of this great fact, Uncle Jack declared that an immediate taste-off was necessary! First, the facts about OB (for a Hite Pitcher review see earlier on this page)- OB stands for Oriental Brewery, wow! OB says that it has been around since 1933!! OB is located in Seoul, S. Korea!!! OB is the name of a tampon company in the US, thus, American's already associate the letters OB with delicious flavor!!!! OB is probably around 4.5% alcohol like Hite, but the bottle doesn't say! The writing on the OB bottle says that it has PAB- passive and active barrier technology! The bottle also says, "timeless enduring heritage, craftsmanship and new rice addition deliver refreshing smoothness and clean after taste, making OB the most drinkable beer." Gosh, the most drinkable beer?!! The OB versus Hite Pitcher taste test, unfortunately for OB, concluded that Hite is a much more drinkable beer!!! Action Man and Marf Century both agreed with Uncle Jack that Hite is a considerably superior beer to OB!!!! Hite tastes a little like Heineken and is a decent beer, OB is much sweeter tasting and more watery!! OB is drinkable but if you want to look rad drinking a giant beer with a plastic bottle that is hard you break when you are drunk, stick with Hite!!!! If you can only find the giant OB, drink it because it will still make you look cool and remind you of tasty tampons in your mouth!!!!!
PANTHER JOOSE ON THE LOOSE!!!! 3/1/10!!!!
Panther Joose just arrived at Uncle Jack's favorite mini-mart in the past couple weeks, when he found it, he clearly needed to try it!!! The tiny sign for Panther Joose inside the refrigerator said that it is supposed to be strawberry-kiwi flavor!! As with all Joose- Panther Joose is 9.9% alcohol, 23.5oz, and contains taurine, ginseng and caffeine! Like many of the newer Joose beverages, Panther Joose has a pretty cool can for an alcoholic-energy drink!!! The kiwi is impossible to detect in the flavor of Panther Joose, and at first Uncle Jack, Action Man and Marf Century thought that it tasted like watermelon, however, after a second they realized that it really just has the artificial taste of a strawberry Jolly Rancher- very sweet!!!! You really have to like artificial strawberry flavor and sugar to be able to finish this beverage, but if you do, you will be nicely down the road to being wired and fucked-up!!!!!!
FOUR LOKO LEMONADE FLAVOR AND CRANBERRY LEMONADE!!!! BRING THE PAIN!!!!! 3/21/10!!!
With the release of Lemonade Flavor and Cranberry Lemonade, Four Loko introduces perhaps the two most drinkable alcoholic-energy beverages!!!! Both Loko Lemonade Flavor and Loko Cranberry Lemonade are considerably less sweet than many other alcoholic-energy drinks, and less syrupy!! Loko Lemonade Flavor is interesting and has hints of some unknown spices!!! Loko Cranberry Lemonade tastes sort of like cranberry lemonade but something is a little off, not bad though!!!!! Uncle Jack actually drank all of both of these beverages and didn't feel like he got sugar poisoning from doing so, as happens with many alcoholic-energy drinks!!!!! Needless to say, since Loko Lemonade Flavor and Loko Cranberry Lemonade are 23.5 oz and 12% alcohol like all Loko beverages and have the guarana, taurine and caffeine- Uncle Jack was sent to a happy land!!!!! These will certainly be Uncle Jack's alcoholic-energy liquid of choice for some time to come!!!!!!!
SPARKS LEMON STINGER AND CASS FRESH "THE SOUND OF VITALITY"!!! 3/21/10!!!!
A coincidence or not?!!! Sparks releases their lemon flavored concoction at almost the exact same time Loko released theirs (Uncle Jack found Sparks Lemon Stinger one week earlier)!!!! Sparks as noted earlier on this page, is still dumb because it masquerades as an alcoholic-energy drink company when they haven't been for almost 2 years, thus they are now just a flavored malt liquor company!! That said, Sparks Lemon Stinger isn't a bad beverage, it tastes like lemon meringue and has a murky yellow color that looks like it would be great for ruining carpets!!! Fairly sweet, Lemon Stinger is 8% alcohol which is as potent as Sparks gets, it is also 16 ounces like most Sparks!!!! Unless you are trying to avoid energy ingredients, the new Loko Lemonade Flavor is a better tasting drink and it will get you more wasted, so Uncle Jack would say stay with Loko and don't support this sissy brand made by wimps!!
Cass Fresh is a Korean beer which is radical because their slogan is "sound of vitality"... what the hell is that supposed to mean?!!!! This beer sounds just like any other beer!!!!! The bottle declares, "100% non-pasteurized beer provides ultimate refreshment with fizzy and crisp taste"!!!!!! Uncle Jack loves "fizzy and crisp taste"!!!!! In reality this 4.5% alcohol and 640ml beverage (around 24oz) is a little sweet kind of like some Thai beers Uncle Jack has had before, not too bad!!!! But with a slogan like "sound of vitality"... EVERY ONE SHOULD DRINK CASS FRESH!!!!!!
stole this reviews from some website called deathwish-of course i totally agree with everything here